When we think of domestic violence with usually assume the victim is female.
- According to the CDC, one in seven adult men in the U.S. will become a victim of domestic violence by an intimate partner during his lifetime. That’s upwards of three million or more male domestic violence victims every year, or one man in America abused by an intimate or domestic partner every 37.8 seconds.
- Why does domestic violence against men go unreported?
Some men are ashamed to admit that they are victims and in other cases some feel victimized again when their is a lack of police response.
From the huffington Post: According to one recent study, 83 percent of victims who had an attorney help them file a restraining order successfully obtained one, compared to approximately 30 percent of victims who went it alone.
A man is not supposed to be a controlled physically by a woman.
This stigma often prevents them from not only leaving an abusive relationship but from acknowledging it to anyone. As mentioned before some may feel ashamed.
This often plays a role in the violence going unreported by men.
Abuse is not always physical. There is emotional and verbal abuse as well.
- Does our upbringing play a role in our ability to have successful relationships?
From the book Navigating Relationships- Managing the Ups and Downs
“Men are raised by the images set before them as boys.
Those images may not have always been positive. Some may have been negative.
The important factor is to learn from those examples and then using that knowledge to weigh the good and the bad. It’s about having the confidence and wisdom to make the right choices.
Early generations of the male bloodlines were taught that displays of emotions like crying or whining were signs of weakness and that only girl’s cry.
They were told to suck it up or shake it off and keep moving along.”
For many this trait is carried through their teen to adult years. It should not be surprising that men of this nature experience difficulties in relationships.
Abuse is something that is said can be passed down from one generation to the next. It said that we are products of our environment.
If you were treated poorly by your mother in some way then that has a tendency affect a man’s behavior. Let’s say your mother was a strong disciplinarian and not very affectionate or she talked to you negatively the majority of the time.
At some point you may succumb to the notion that this is how women communicate. You cope by numbing your emotions and suppressing your feelings.
Communication between parents is vital to our upbringing. It is what gives us our first impression of the relationship between men and women.
We have come to know that the interaction between mother and father and the roles they play are very key to a child’s upbringing. In the case of boys they watch how their mother responds to their father. In a relationship where the mother appears more dominate may over time make for a lasting impression as to what his role should be in his own relationship.
This type of impression could be a key factor in the person he picks as a partner and the role he will play in that relationship. You may find that you are submissive to her behavior by overlooking the way she treats you. This may be because of what you learned from your father’s behavior.
For example let’s say mom would react when angry by throwing things, using foul language or hurling insults at your dad in or out of his presence. In some situations women have be known to become physical by slapping, grabbing or pushing their mate. It may have looked to you like he accepted this behavior as normal by doing nothing to try and stop it.
For a long time society made it seem acceptable for a women to do these things.
Many of us may not have given it that much thought at the time but this is exactly what domestic violence looks like yet was often accepted because it’s being done to a male.
Signs that you are in an abusive relationship
I’m sure you have heard another female say to her female friend “girl you should have slapped his ass.”
Damaging a man’s car or his clothes is a tactic done by abusers.
Here is a checklist for signs of that you may be victim of domestic violence
- Tells you that you can never do anything right
- Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
- Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
- Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
- Controls every penny spent in the household
- Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
- Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
- Checks your phone,emails social media pages
- Tries to manipulate you into decisions
- Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
- Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
- Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
- Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
- Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
Where to turn for help
- Support services- The Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) thehotline.org
It is most important that we take care of ourselves and one way to do that when it comes to relationships is to not lose your self respect.
At the first sign of abusive behavior you should acknowledge it to yourself and then to the person that perpetrated the abuse.
No relationship is worth your safety or your ability to live a happy life.
Principles of a man- a poem
Lifetime – (Principles of a man)
Without lies or inhibitions tell me you love me.
Hold me like you accept me as your equal and not your subordinate.
Trust me to hold your secrets as if they were my own.
Kiss me with a lover’s intent and not a pretender of love.
Make love to me with the art of seduction and unbridled passion
not simply as a duty to be performed.
Give unto me these things and I will give unto you my heart, my soul and my spirit to carry with you throughout a lifetime.
Larry D. Miller