Live Another Day

 

 

Depression

 

Narative: I keep hearing this song in my head titled “Keep Pushing On” but I feel as though I haven’t got the strength to do so. I’ve been keeping on for so long I now feel fearful that it’s all been in vain. My life is like that in comparison of running on a treadmill I can speed up or slow down my pace but still I feel like I’m on a road to nowhere.

What does the world want from me? This and others are the questions that dog my mind as of late. My days have gone dark. It does not matter how bright the sun has shown, in my world it’s a dark cloudy day. Is this depression? Is this my fate am I destined to be what I am, no greater than what I am?

Reflection is said to be a good thing. It is to give you perspective to see the light of things, clarity if you will. To gain a full perspective you must first take on the challenge to do so; that can be a slippery slope.

The trouble with trying to reflect when you are feeling depressed is you must retrace your steps to feel and fight your way through the darkness that now exist on your journeys path. That darkness consists of Negativity. Negativity is a powerful beast so by going into the darkness you risk the chance of never making it to the positivity of the light. I lift my head and recite what I remember from the pews of church as a child- “ Lord hear our prayers”

Here I am standing at what feels like the bank of the river’s edge ready to walk to the deep end of its depth. Will I be rescued by some form of revelation, perhaps a helping hand will be extended or will I drown in a whirlpool of disparity? I still don’t have all the answers but for now I will find the strength to push on and live another day.

Do you know someone who has or is currently battling depression?

Most people going through depression feel alone. They may feel embarrassed or as though they may be a burden to loved ones.

Try to be supportive. Let them know they are not alone. Once someone is willing to open up the most important thing you can do as a friend or family member is to listen.

Listening can be most helpful to that family member or friend in need.

Using reflective listening and encouraging words of support can let the person know you are being attentive to what’s being said. Example: It sounds like there has been some things going on that have you feeling pretty bad. Sorry you’ve been having such a tough time. I want you to know I’m here for you.

When you can show empathy for another’s plight it lets them know you have an understanding for what they are feeling. You don’t have to identify with it, but just simply making the effort to listen and be empathetic can be tremendous.

Take care of yourself as well for it may be emotionally draining for you as a friend to want to do all you can to help.

Remember not to put the pressure of their burden on your shoulders, you don’t have to find a way to fix their situation and most likely they don’t expect you to fix their problem. If they want to discuss options perhaps counseling is something they might consider exploring.

For help with depression or thoughts of suicide contact:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-Talk (8255) 24hrs http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

Written By: Larry D. Miller

 

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The Phone Call

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The Phone Call

Hey bro you know who this is? Yeah man I know who you are. So hey haven’t heard from you in a while. what you up to?
All nothing man I’m just chilling. Enjoying life trying to not take it for granted.

That’s cool. I’m glad you are doing good.

What’s up with you?

You know same o same o just trying to get through each day.
I heard that man. Do what you got to do.
Er body good?
Yeah ev body- good.

How’s your fam? Man kids are all grown and living their lives. I even got a Couple of grankids too.

Wow, I can’t believe you a granpops.
Me either man.

Look here man. I called cause I was thinking about you lately and finally I said let me call this dude.

Yeah? It’s good to hear from you. For real.

What you doing tomorrow?

I really didn’t have any plans. Why, what’s up?

I wanted to hook up with you , maybe hang for while go eat somewhere watch the game, shoot some pool.

That sounds good man but you sure?

No doubt man . I’m looking forward to seeing you.
Okay cool. Let’s do it.
Okay I’ll swing by and get you bout 5 tomorrow.
I-ight see you then.

When the call ended the guy hearing from the long time friend sat there for a moment and began to cry.
He had been feeling like nobody cared. He looked down at the gun in his hand then got up and put it away. He was now looking forward to another day.

You never know what some else is going through.
Pick up the phone call a friend.

Written By: Larry D. Miller

A Cheaters Prayer

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How could I have made such a stupid mistake. I cheated on you and by doing so risked everything that is important in my life. I know it sounds crazy, if I thought about the importance of our relationship I would not have done it.There is no excuse. I know this. As long as you are asleep during my mindful confession nothing has to change, well maybe except my behavior. I promise to spend the rest of my life putting you and our love first from here on out.   Just let this thing pass with no pain or suffering.

   download (6) Now as I lay me down to sleep beside you I pray the lord that this secret will keep; never to be revealed never to be spoken about from this day forth.  I love you. You have been five years of blessings. Happy Anniversary baby, Amen.

Written By:

              Larry D. Miller

Brother

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Nothing prepares you for a day such as this.

To my family and friends I say I am fine, but when I’m alone I must confess I break down and tears fill my eyes.

I want to lie down and curl up on the floor. I just can’t wrap it around my head that you are not here anymore.  It’s like a book with a twisted plot if I had known what was to follow I never would have turned the page. I’m filled with emotions that make me want to raise my fist in rage. I’m bewildered now that you’re gone. I’m not ready to let go  nowhere near ready to as they say “move on”.

I’ve Iisten to your last voicemails over and over just hear the sound of your voice.

I smile for a moment then once again my eyes begin to moist.

I wish that when I hear your name sorrow would not consume me. Every day that I wake up, I pray that this will be the day that I truly wake up. Wake-up to see that this is all a dream and that life has so many more good things in store for you and for me. Right now all I feel is pain and misery. They say time heals all but the April snow makes it hard for me to see the reality. So I retreat to the pictures in my mind that will never be erased. To the memories of cherished moments of another time and place. I wish it was enough to escape this pain  inside of me. It helps to think that at least now you are worry free.

Maybe one day the broken pieces of my heart will mend; the pain will have lessen and I can truly smile again. I ‘m thankful for the short time you were here with me, for in that short time you helped raise a boy into a man. You taught me to respect my self as well as others and to learn responsibility. Life has many lessons and it’s true that their filled with its ups downs but you had a way of keeping faith in the lord and it got you through those dark clouds.

I may not be there yet I’m still hurt to the core but I’m going to keep sticking and moving cause I know you would want me to be strong.   I love you big brother, rest with the assurance that your legacy lives on.

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Written By:  Larry D. Miller 

Reborn

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I don’t understand how you could be so heartless by hurting me the way that you do.
I’ve done nothing but be kind to you. For all of the time we have been together I’ve done nothing but love you. To my own demise I gave you everything I had to give emotionally but you continue to do the things you do. Anyone that has a soul would surly love me for the the things that I do and they for the love I have to give.

This is no way to live, but here I am making plans to spend another day with you.
All I want is to make you happy and you turn around and say that if that’s all I want to do, then all I have to do is leave. Leave you alone. I’m a fool. Out there is someone that would give unto me the love I gave away to you. I must wake up and clear these clouds from my eyes and find the strength to give you what you want . Freedom. The freedom to live in the misery you so truly deserve. It’s been years of living with someone whose mission was to make me feel like I was alone. Let’s see how you like it.

Today is that day. The I step out of this mistake, this foolishness that I let trap me and fill me with pain. As I pen these words of my rebirth a revelation of joy has risen up from my depths of despair.
It’s a feeling I have not felt in such a long time. Since the day I stepped through those doors.
Doors that kept me locked in and my happiness locked out. Feeling nothing but claustrophobia, I was closed in by your inability to love in return, but now all of that is about to change. I feel like I’ve died I’ve learned and now I’m reborn.

I’m stepping out on faith that I can do better by myself.
I don’t need any love. I need a true love.
These doors may have been closed to my happiness, but for the grace of God a window has been left opened. The sun shining through provides the light for my emancipation. I’ve awaken with the revelation that speaks hello to a brand new life for me. It’s my time to soar.It’s my time to fly. Fly high above this dark cloud. Say goodbye to what’s left inside those doors.
Say goodbye to you forevermore.

Written By: Larry D. Miller

Silent Victims – Domestic Violence Against Men

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When we think of domestic violence we usually assume the victim is female. According to the CDC, one in seven adult men in the U.S. will become a victim of domestic violence by an intimate partner during his lifetime. That’s upwards of three million or more male domestic violence victims every year, or one man in America abused by an intimate or domestic partner every 37.8 seconds.

 

 

  • Why does domestic violence  against men go unreported?

 

Some men are ashamed to admit that they are victims and in other cases some feel victimized again when their is a lack of police response.

From the huffington Post: According to one recent study, 83 percent of victims who had an attorney help them file a restraining order successfully obtained one, compared to approximately 30 percent of victims who went it alone.

 

  • Men are considered weak

 

A man is not supposed to be a controlled physically by a woman.

This stigma often prevents them from not only leaving an abusive relationship but from acknowledging it to anyone. As mentioned before some may feel ashamed.

This often plays a role in the violence going unreported by men.

Abuse is not always physical. There is emotional and verbal abuse as well.

 

  • Does our upbringing play a role in our ability to have successful relationships?

 

From the book Navigating Relationships- Managing the Ups and Downs

“Men are raised by the images set before them as boys.
Those images may not have always been positive. Some may have been negative.
The important factor is to learn from those examples and then using that knowledge to weigh the good and the bad.  It’s about having the confidence and wisdom to make the right choices.

Early generations of the male bloodlines were taught that displays of emotions like crying or whining were signs of weakness and that only girl’s cry.

They were told to suck it up or shake it off and keep moving along.”

For many this trait is carried through their teen to adult years. It should not be surprising that men of this nature experience difficulties in relationships.

Abuse is something that is said can be passed down from one generation to the next. It’s also said that we are products of our environment.

If you were treated poorly by your mother in some way then that has a tendency affect a man’s behavior. Let’s say your mother was a strong disciplinarian and not very affectionate or she talked to you negatively the majority of the time.

At some point you may succumb to the notion that this is how women communicate. You cope by numbing your emotions and suppressing your feelings.

Communication between parents is vital to our upbringing. It is what gives us our first impression of the relationship between men and women.

We have come to know that the interaction between mother and father and the roles they play are very key to a child’s upbringing. In the case of boys they watch how their mother responds to their father. In a relationship where the mother appears more dominate may over time make for a lasting  impression as to what his role should be in his own relationship.

This type of impression could be a key factor in the person he picks as a partner and the role he will play in that relationship. You may find that you are submissive to her behavior by overlooking the way she treats you. This may be because of what you learned from your father’s behavior.

For example let’s say mom would react when angry by throwing things, using foul language or hurling insults at your dad in or out of his presence. In some situations women have been known to become physical by slapping, grabbing or pushing their mate. It may have looked to you like he accepted this behavior as normal by doing nothing to try and stop it.

For a long time society made it seem acceptable for a women to do these things.

Many of us may not have given it that much thought at the time but this is exactly what domestic violence looks like yet was often accepted because it’s being done to a male.

  • Signs that you are in an abusive relationship

I’m sure you have heard another female say to her female friend “girl you should have slapped his ass.”

Damaging a man’s car or his clothes is a tactic done by abusers.

Here is a checklist for signs of that you may be victim of domestic violence

 

  • Tells you that you can never do anything right
  • Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
  • Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
  • Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
  • Controls every penny spent in the household
  • Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
  • Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Checks your phone,emails social media pages
  • Tries to manipulate you into decisions
  • Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
  • Discourages your goals
  • Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol

 

Where to turn for help

 

  • Family-Friends
  • Church pastor
  • Law Enforcement
  • Support services- The Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) thehotline.org
  • Counseling/therapy
  • Self Care

 

It is most important that we take care of ourselves and one way to do that when it comes to relationships is to not lose your self respect.

At the first sign of abusive behavior you should acknowledge it to yourself and then to the person that perpetrated the abuse.

No relationship is worth your safety or your ability to live a happy life.

Written by : Larry D. Miller

Eternity

 

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If I try really hard I can pretend it doesn’t hurt anymore. I won’t fall to my knees and crumple when I step through this opened door. I won’t wait to hear the sound of your happy I’m home voice. Your hugs and kisses that were oh so choice.

Yes, if I could only I could pretend that day never came. That sad gut wrenching day that you were called away. I would sink into my favorite chair and listen for the footsteps that I long to hear.

This chair, this chair that you used to try so hard for me to get rid of is like my time machine.

It holds me and enfolds me with love and precious memories.  

If I try really hard I could pretend that it doesn’t hurt anymore then these pools of tears would not soak my floor. Those arms that used to hold me so near, those hands so soft they smoothed away my fears.

I miss you. I miss us.  My heart is filled with dust. It’s just an empty shell without your love to fill it up. Family and friends say to me it’ll be alright, but it’s just another lonely day and there’s no sunshine in sight.  I’m trying at least I think I am but It’s just so damn hard.

I curse and swear shaking my fist  in a fit of anger, then fall to the floor curled up in a fetal position. Pressed against my chest is a picture of you and I forever frozen in time.

An empty bottle lays beside me, the vessel that will carry me to reunite with my sweet love for all of eternity.

No need  to pretend, no need to pre…….ten………….d.

Written By: Larry D. Miller